Bored in 'Church'


I walk through the doors of this edifice. It’s an architect’s delight, any day, anytime. The doors are oval, golden pillars, grand lighting, amazing banner, impressive music…awesome! I take my place among the worshippers and seat myself in the plush seats. Ah, they are soft and feel like they reached up to comfort by sore backside.

KRAKA BOOM!!! The drummer rolls on the drums with robot-like precision and the piano starts to play a hypnotic tune, lead singer waltzes onto the stage, snazzy suit.

“Oh yes, oh yes, we worship you, Lord God of glory…” and reels off 13 names of God in one breath. 13 names of God in one breath! Awesome!

“Let’s worship him today, hallelujah” All around me, hands go up in unison, people around me sing in tongues and a lady on my right sways to the Spirit – or is it the music? I’m not sure now but I’m wondering why there is no one explaining all the strange languages around me that sound like babble. I raise my hands as well, close my eyes, but a voice over the mic throws me off. It’s my boss at work. She is crying and on her knees…again. My friend who is a regular worshipper here says it happens every Sunday, same time, same way. I try not to think about the fact that, though married, she is sleeping with him as well or that top management know she “gets the job done” because she lies and bribes with uncanny skill.


It’s about God now, but her voice is a bit distracting. I close my eyes, grit my teeth and start to focus on God. I’m almost “there” when the music ends...(sigh!)

“Welcome to the house of God”, the fat pastor booms the lie deftly. How do you welcome a person to himself – or maybe in his mind, his reality was that this building was the house of God. Kinda’ reminds me of Hitler’s quote: when you lie, make sure it’s a big one – and say it over and over again. People believe such lies easily.

“If you are fellowshipping with us for the first time, I want you to know that we love you and are happy to have you in our midst.” I’m trying not to give in, but my sarcastic humanity is getting the best of me. Why is this man dripping with phoney stuff – or maybe, like many, he is not really thinking anymore. Fellowship, when people hardly know each other? Love, when it’s my first time and genuine love is cultivated over time? He breaks into my thoughts “Turn to your neighbour and say ‘Welcome’” I turn to the guy on my right, and he turns away from me to the busty lady on his right, smiling, while I see him looking at me out of a corner of his eyes. She is smiling at him too, backing a scrawny man who looks like he needs a home. This is some fellowship going on here.

It’s one hour later and I’m sitting in the crowd as they applaud, shout and cheers on the superstar man-of-God. He thumps his bible, jumps around, delivers “nuggets” from a one dollar quote book and advertises his books and a new album by the choir, while talking about the 7 secrets to being an ‘overcomer’.

Indeed, I am overcome by him – but he is not done yet.

He signals to the dj-like guy in charge of sound, to play a track from the choir album “done overseas.” My eyes start to roll – then the music comes and I go quiet inside.

It’s salsa and tongues.
Salsa and tongues? He goes on to the next track.
This time, it’s salsa, some funk and more tongues. “Our ‘mother-in-Israel’ will tell you more.” He makes way for his wife.

She is not as fat as he is but has twice his energy and explains how God brought about the ‘concept’.
“The Holy Spirit told me it will be unique! Have you ever heard an album of only music and tongues before?” I think to myself, have you ever seen horse piss served with a vanilla cream topping?

“No” the people cry out – a few of them stand up noticeably to go to the back to place orders. A smile lights up the face of the ‘ministers of God’ in their thrones in front of the congregation.

What would Jesus do? Why do we rule out in this day and age that he would have flogged the hell out of some people?

I’m standing on the road side waiting for a bus and see the scrawny man from earlier. He can’t meet my eyes but Father has told me what this man needs.
“Hello, is it ok if we have a meal together?”           
His eyes become misty.
“Yes sir”
“Come on. Please, don’t call me sir. If you call me ‘brother’, that would be an honour”. I am freshly awed as I remember the scripture that says Jesus is not ashamed to call us brethren…

I guess at 2.30pm on a Sunday, I am about to fellowship for the first time: A meal, a honest conversation, quality time, sharing about life’s challenges and God – and hopefully, the start of a lifelong friendship.



  1. If anyone is offended by this article it is because they are convicted. The church (the building) has become a performance and straddling the line of mockery. At 2:30 when you fellowshipped, you were the perfect example of the church! Love your posts!

  2. Bravo.... bravely speaking the truth in love...

  3. we as true christians should compare constantly what we tag "fellowship" to what was obtainable in the early church. may God grant us the grace to be the embodiment of his love- Ene

  4. Absolutely non-offending. That's deep. Love- that's the crux of Christ's ministry on earth. Real fellowship. Real Christianity.


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