But I am small...

Tears rolled down my eyes. The pain was too great to bear on that day of losses. My logical mind tried to work out the trauma that ravaged my soul. I watched the drama of pain unfold, and what is worse than going through difficulty is not being able to stop it. I wanted to wade in, change the tide, wipe away the tears.

But I am small.

I am man, weak, limited, fickle. I possess infinite power on the inside, endless potential deep within, universe-rending treasures in an earthen vessel, but there is so much I cannot do, cannot help, cannot change. I have good intention indeed.

But I am small.


And so the tears poured. Howls of pain surrounded me, burnt me up from deep within till I was consumed in embers of depression and drowning in the vomit of the despondent - questioning life, questioning meaning, questioning all, questioning God...

I wrestled in my mind with rebelling. If HE had failed me, then I would fail him...again! I would pursue my angry passions, spit on his face - but then, a little voice said, WHEN has he failed you? More tears fell as I remembered how waters had swept me and the fires had raged and trusted ones had failed me - but HE alone had held me.

Because I am small.

So I fell prostrate. Little man that I am, a dot in the geography I call my state of residence, that is a dot on earth, that is a dot in our galaxy - that is not up to a dot in the expanding expanse of space.

For WE are small.

And I trusted in His goodness, in the things I do not see, and told myself that if He killed or bloodied me, I was sold out - I had nowhere to go. If life didn't make sense, my messy limbs would humanly follow in His ways and reddened eyes would squint to make out the light of His countenance. He had me and there is no letting go.

Though He slay me, I shall trust Him - aye, I am even branded to follow, His name is tattooed on me like a living sacrifice that has been sold - and bought with a bloody price.  There is no turning back because HE is the all, the mighty, the reason, the centre and the light - and HE is BIG.

  And, I am small.