When God steps away from you - with a smile...

I would pray. Then I would read some scripture. Then I would sit down in an uncomfortable position in order not to fall asleep – and I would wait. The night would be quiet, the candle would burn on the side, illuminating the night with an eerie glow and I would wait patiently for The Voice. My mind, like a rabid monkey high on a cocktail of LSD, crack, absinthe and caffeine would howl and scream and churn up a million voices in my head as I fought for control on the inside. Slowly, the monkey on the inside would get quiet and would start to find balance on the treadmill that was its abode and slowly, the silence I craved for would grow on the inside as I waited…for The Voice. 

In the end, exhaustion took over, my eyes became blurry, my knees would begin to ache, the voices in my mind would go from slow whispers to static and I would fall back in a heap, into the loving warmth and embrace of the patiently waiting mattress, as sleep, like a skilled lover, roved over my very being and in a few moments, it would be lights out – and another night would have gone without a single word from The Voice.

So you can understand when my frustration grew over time as I waited day after day, squeezing out as much time as I could, whenever I could, to hear The Voice, but that voice remained evasive. It never shouted back to me as I waited in silence, it never popped up like a jack-in-the-box in response to my ardent fervency and my frustration slowly turned to anger because I had invested all I understood I was to invest to hear The Voice. I am talking about hearing the voice of God, because my understanding was that the sure sign that one was getting deeper into God was being able to hear and gist with God. My thinking was that as I began to please God more and wait on God, he would instruct me daily on every step I was to take in life. 

I hardly ever heard God when I waited to hear. It would be as I went about the course of my day, or as I lay in bed thinking some random thoughts or at moments when the “spiritual” wasn’t exactly on my mind that I would hear the inner voice quietly. Sometimes, I confused it with the voice of my mind, and sometimes, I knew it was God speaking – but I never got to that place where we got close enough for him to tell me where to go, what to do, where to work, where to eat, where to spend, how much to give away…and I felt abandoned because I had paid the price but gotten no results. 

Pause for a moment…

In the beginning, when two trees were planted in the garden, one finally understands what a relationship with God is meant to be. Like you tell your child on your way to work to warm some stew, toast some bread, enjoy the butter on the shelf, play PS3 – but not for too long – and to read the book you just purchased which had amazing illustrations you knew your child would enjoy – BUT be careful not to go into your bedroom because you had set mice traps in several corners, so it was at the beginning. You wanted your child to learn obedience though you made available a significant amount of freedom and pleasure. God had said Adam and Eve could do so much, eat anything, even from the other tree in the middle of the garden that stood right next to that tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Assume there was no fall or sin and you realise that the tree of the knowledge of good and evil would have played an amazing function. 

What do I mean?

Adam, who was perfectly made, but immature at the time like Jesus was as a child, would have grown up into maturity, responsibility and an amazing ability to create results and optimize the earth. His grasp of life, what we call science, his ability to travel, his ability to heal and enhance nature would have been uncanny – and at that state of never ending maturity because he was never going to die but grow in knowledge and ability, someone in our time would have looked at Adam and his offspring, looked at their outstanding qualities skill and abilities and said “These are GODS!”

But though they could do ANYTHING, there would have been a reminder to tell them, you can’t do ONE thing; You can’t eat from the tree because though you are godlike, there is still a BOSS – just like you’d say to your child, you can have fun and even make a mess, BUT, do not go into my bedroom. 

You see, they would need a reminder because God would not always be around them, talking to them and telling them what to do. God wasn’t around Adam and Eve as they spoke to trees or told the ground to “yield” fruit, or spoke to insects and discussed pollination or went about living and growing and maturing because closeness to God is NOT characterised by God MICRO-MANAGING you and telling you what to do at EVERY STEP. Actually, as you grow in maturity, and the more he can trust you, then he can actually “guide you with his eyes” and let you DO the work of the one who sent you. 

In summary, God speaks and his children know his voice, but just as you slowly give your child less and less instruction, his silence does not mean he is far away. It often means you are expected to grow in maturity, in your ability to take decisions about life, in your ability to judge and make judgement about others, in your ability to decide the right investment, in your ability to think through a business plan because you were created to RULE… And every now and then, he will instruct and provide clarity on specific areas – and sit back as you execute the project called Life.

When God steps away from you, in silence, and a smile, it does not always mean he is angry with you. It could just be his way of saying, “Now, child, let me see what you will DO…”