May her breasts satisfy you...

Just before I am crucified for making reference to the mammary glands peculiar to the female gender, this passage is taken from the bible and it is found in the book of Proverbs 5: 19

“Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”

I have spent quite a while thinking about the fast-crumbling institution of marriage and for someone who has been married for only about three years, I definitely do not consider myself an expert on the subject. However, I have had cause to observe, learn and know certain things about this unique relationship that has the power to shape the future, affect unborn generations and change the very course of history. All you have to do is imagine Hitler born into a home where there was a strong bond of love and where selflessness soon became second nature. For whatever reason, things did not exactly work out that way and over 6 million Jews paid the price for ONE twisted soul – and yet I seriously doubt that when his parents first cradled his lovely form as a baby, they would have understood the gravity of the life they held in their hands…

But that in itself is a tale for another day.

Today, I just want to express a few views about marriage. Like I said, I am no expert but I find it really scary that people seem to misunderstand the gravity of the relationship because if they did, they would be making very different choices and would have different reasons to be motivated towards getting married.

Just before I got married, I was told “marriage is really hard” and that love lasts for a few years. I was also told about how to “protect myself” in marriage and a whole lot of “stuff”. However, one thing I have learnt in life is “do not inquire from the bread maker about the stars” – or in very plain language, when you seek counsel on marriage, you have to make sure you are getting it from someone whose marriage is successful – and an accurate view can be gotten ONLY from observing married individuals and their marriage for years.

That eliminates, to a large extent, many religious leaders…simply because you don’t live with them. So, do not believe or take in everything you hear them say.

Often, the reasons for marriage are hormones and societal pressure to find a mate. A person feels older, and depending on the society (and the inner strength of the individual) there is increased pressure to “settle down” – and so one find a willing mate, they have a ceremony, fly out of the country for the honeymoon and then living together starts.

Now here is a really big issue: I, personally, do not feel a lot of people realize that in marriage you get to live in the same house with the same person for about 50 years – or maybe people do not think about this thoroughly. Maybe somewhere, they do not realize that person is going to get flabby, their teeth are going to get brownish, they are going to snore sometimes and drool in their sleep, they are going to make you angry many times, they will NOT agree with your views a lot of the time irrespective of how close you are (or think you are).

However, what makes a marriage work, that “hidden ingredient” that many regard as a “secret” is, largely, ACCEPTANCE.

I realized this from a relationship I was in before I got married. When events occur, I tend to go back and really mull over why things played out the way they did. So, here I was, dating this girl, and of course, we went through the phase where the “sun rose in her eyes” and her smile was a thousand dazzling stars, a phase where I worshipped the ground she walked on and the grounds she would walk on. We got to the end of that phase and I realized with the utmost horror and overwhelming shock that this girl I loved, would have died for, would have turned my back on the world for, that I adored was a……

Human being.

What were you expecting?

She could fart, she could argue, she could dress badly on some days, she could disagree with me…. I mean, she could actually disagree with me???????????? LoL

And then we started to argue every day. We disagreed on how everything was to be done. She made me mad, I made her cry, she pushed, I shoved, she would insult me, I would abuse her (we never had a physical fight…that’s a boundary I never intend to cross), but you get the picture. And then, one day, I just looked at her and said to her, in my mind, “I will love you” – and that was the day everything changed.

She still used to make me angry, but I looked forward to times we could just laugh and play. She disagreed with me on a lot of subjects, but there were many common grounds where we had the same views. There were very huge variances in fundamental issues, but I had decided that she was mine and even on days when the stress of life didn’t make her look so good, she was still mine and there would be no other…

Events I could not control came along, that relationship came to an end and we both moved on, sailing our separate ways on the ocean of life, blown along by the winds of time – but what I learned was that “love”, largely, is a position in the mind that decides to embrace a person IRRESPECTIVE of how they may make you feel. It is NOT love if the other is not embraced completely and given all that you have access to. Such “love” is all words and empty feelings.

Today, I am married to a wife who showed me, in several ways, depths of acceptance that I had never experienced. 

“Let her breast satisfy you and be thou ravished always with her love.”

Till one gets to the place of consciously LETTING the other become their object of delight, their feelings of love is nothing but an illusion. Love, in reality, is a choice.